The Tech Right isn’t “on the rise.” It won. The federal government is stocked with founders and VCs, the U.S. economy is basically a highly leveraged bet on deep learning, and San Francisco is slowly crawling out of the doom loop. History didn't end; it shitposted its way into a new political age.
Just in time for the holidays, we humbly offer our gift guide for all of the special nicotine-maxxed, peptide-lean, slop-poisoned people in your life. High-signal objects for people who can quote the genesis block, file ITAR paperwork, and still find time to flame a Eurocrat in between meetings. If you slept on last year’s guide, correct that. And then dive in.
Skunk Works Dress Socks — $7.16
Wear these socks from Lockheed Martin to remind everyone that the Department of War’s best work happens when you ignore the procurement process.
"Jesus Died for Our Zyns" Flag — $12
This flag will give your office that Gundo startup aesthetic. Put it behind the power rack and show your colleagues your one-rep max. They’ll soon realize there’s nothing higher-agency than a nicotine addiction.
Coinbase Genesis Scarf — $15
Woven into this Genesis Scarf from Coinbase is the original hash from the Bitcoin Genesis Block. The 256-bit code is a demonstrated deterrent to fiat defenders, Europeans, and other opponents of permissionless innovation.
Intel Beach Towel — $24.16
Finally: a towel as reliable as Intel’s stock price after the federal government showed up on the cap table. Bring it to the pool and let everyone know you support made-in-America semiconductors.
The Techno-Optimist Manifesto by Marc Andreessen — $24.95
The defining scripture of the great e/acc–decel wars, now available in a format suitable for displaying in your home or office. Pairs well with investing in B2B SaaS, writing long X threads about building hard tech, beefing with European regulators, and advising startups about the best way to pivot to AI. Get the paperback for just $24.95, or splurge on the $495 Founder's Edition, made with premium leather and engraved titanium.
The President and the King Christmas Ornament — $24.95
In the battle between “No Kings” and everlasting techno-monarchy, we offer the enlightened centrist take: America has only one true king. This Christmas ornament commemorates his time in the Oval Office.
Próspera Tee — $25
For the friend who loved Atlas Shrugged but never thought about how Galt’s Gulch would have to negotiate with a Marxist Central American government. Próspera did—and is still standing. Proudly wear this shirt to signal your support for a truly remarkable libertarian experiment. Soft, breathable, and perfect for anyone who loves exit, biohacking, and countless billable hours for international arbitration lawyers.
Beef Tallow Balm — $25.99
For the man whose worldview, diet, and skincare regimen were recently restructured by a single three-hour podcast episode featuring two fitness influencers and a libertarian economist. Seed oils: gone. Emulsifiers: exiled. Shampoo: under investigation. This tallow balm completes the arc: a moisturizer for those who believe smelling faintly of beef fat is the price of liberty. MAHA!
Rainmaker Water Bottle — $30
Rainmaker Technology Corporation has what American farmers, ski bums, and Gulf sovereigns crave: water on demand. While we wait for a truly abundant life aquatic, stay hydrated with the latest and greatest in portable water delivery on demand. Just don’t tell Marjorie Taylor Greene before her last day in office.
ASML “It’s Never Too Cold to Innovate” Quarter-Zip — $34.94
Advanced Semiconductor Materials Lithography’s extreme ultraviolet lithography systems are the chokepoint for cutting-edge semiconductor manufacturing, which makes this quarter-zip not just a great winter layer, but also geopolitically significant. We’re sure thinking about export controls already makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, but this sweater is a welcome complement.
Bryan Johnson’s Extra Virgin Olive Oil — $35
Brought to you by Blueprint, this elite-grade extra virgin oil comes from green olives harvested May through July in Chile. Each bottle is third-party tested for polyphenol content and oxidative stability in manners not fit to print. Whether you're serious about longevity protocols or just want extremely good olive oil, this delivers.
Maintenance: Of Everything by Stewart Brand — $40
Two FAI favs came together for a legendary collab: Stripe Press and Stewart Brand. You can now pre-order the first installation of his multi-volume opus Maintenance: Of Everything. Volume I explores the insights on human nature and civilizational health that can be gleaned from the maintenance of sailboats, vehicles, and weapons, while also exploring the evolution of precision manufacturing. Go fix your car, Zoomer!
Personal Palantír — $54.17
We were told this rare orb was made by the Elves of Valinor in the First Age, though the eBay seller's documentation of its provenance leaves something to be desired. Normally these powerful seeing stones are kept secure in wooden cabinets with a single latch. Perfect for any ambitious Istari in your life who know Isengard didn’t run on cost-plus contracting.
TBPN Rugby Polo — $74.99
From our friends at the Technology Business Programming Network comes the perfect sponsor-festooned rugby polo. There's no better way to represent your undying love of techno-capitalism and going Founder Mode.
Anduril x Reyn Spooner Hawaiian Shirt – $79.99
Defense tech is having a moment, and there’s no better gear than the Palmer Luckey-approved Hawaiian shirt for testing your low-cost high-volume rocket launcher at a U.S. military test firing range.
Arena Magazine Subscription — $99
Joe Lonsdale's quarterly for people who are actually in the arena, perchance even trying things, not yelling from the cheap seats. Four times a year, you get long-form writing from founders, explorers, and, yes, writers who've built things and read books published before 2020. The Intergalactic Media Corporation of America is just getting started.
The Book: Ultimate Guide to Rebuilding Civilization — $119
When AI singularity and civilizational collapse discourse moves from your X feed to practical preparation, you'll want this comprehensive guide from Hungry Minds. Everything you need to reconstruct industrial society from first principles, assuming anyone survives who can read it. Bonus points for grabbing a copy of Walter Miller Jr.’s A Canticle for Leibowitz at your used book store.
SpaceX Starship Torch — $175
Is it a cigar lighter? Crème brûlée torch? We're not asking questions. This torch from SpaceX is a 1:1200 scale model of the Starship spacecraft. Perfectly suitable for reverse-searing sous vide steaks or any other culinary applications requiring precise high-temperature control. Fuel not included, FAA approval pending.
Starlink Roam Kit — $279
Starlink remains the satellite internet service provider of choice for forward-deployed engineers and the terminally online in your life who absolutely must be able to post a banger from Madagascar.
Mars Rover Bundle — $399
Have you wanted to tell time, but thought, “Hey, readymade watches are for the common man, I’m a man of science!” Well, treat yourself to the Mars Exploration Bundle from CircuitMess. This bundle gives you a buildable, programmable Mars Rover and the ready-to-use Artemis Smartwatch 2.0.
Boom Supersonic Airforce One Model — $500
Air Force One is an iconic craft. But the American head of state deserves to get to his destination faster than the speed of sound. This is the promise of the Boom Supersonic Airforce One. And as President Trump quipped, “Air Force One should be supersonic. Xi can keep his 747-8.” Until the roll-out date, enjoy this 1:125 replica.
Cybertruck For Kids — $1,500
Why pay for a real Cybertruck someone will vandalize when your children can accomplish the same task for much cheaper? Powered by a lithium-ion battery with up to 12 miles of range and a 500W motor with a top speed of 10 mph, this Cybertruckette pairs best with a “Bought it AFTER Elon went crazy!” bumper sticker.
Hypershell Exoskeleton — $1,999
Finally, a lower-body exoskeleton for anyone who’s tired of being constrained by biology, aging, or the pace of their friends. Strap in, gain robot legs, and enjoy the view from the top while the unaugmented mortals wheeze below. Watch it adapt to your goals in real time, and don’t think too hard about how China is building these faster than you can say “dual-use.”
NEO Home Robot — $20,000
The ideal domestic assistant for people who want a spotless home and are comfortable sacrificing the concept of “private life” to accelerate AGI timelines. NEO vacuums, folds, and silently converts your most intimate household moments into high-quality training data.
Trump International Golf Club, West Palm Beach — $150,000
Need to get out of the cold this winter? Consider a membership at the Trump International Golf Club, West Palm Beach. You’ll need an invitation. But you can probably get someone in the group chat to recommend you.
Donation to FAI — Priceless*
Make a charitable donation in your (or someone else’s) name to the Foundation for American Innovation. Your tax-deductible contribution will help us champion the technology, talent, and ideas essential to American prosperity, security, and flourishing.
*We accept fiat currency, crypto, startup equity, real estate, promises of firstborn internships, and more.
